In the Field of Life

I'm thinking about last night. I knew I was building up to something big, but sometimes after I think I've tackled the hardest part, then several other characters come to visit me, like Death and Mother. Death sends people to come get me and when I get away he comes to haunt me. I feel his presence not like a loaded gun, because a literal person must hold a gun. Death works through people, those who will, or who feel they have to. He crept in like a hazel and black tinted fog and he creepily rearranged small pieces of my hair. This happens every time. I don't think he has any power without people. Of course he wants to destroy us all. He came to visit me because he couldn't get to me through a man I saw that night. I went to a country-style sushi restaurant and I thought I conquered everything because I didn't eat a single bite of food or drink a drop of water. I've been poisoned too many times in restaurants, so that's why I do that. Poisoned or drugged - same difference to me. With a sense of triumph I walked toward the door and got a bad feeling when I saw a man at the register. He was angry and agitated--saying something to the waitress with short hair. I thought to myself that he was trouble, not just because he was upset and ranting about something to do with transportation. Uber was mentioned, but I don't know in what context. I don't listen in on conversations that don't affect me much. In order to escape his negative energy I went outside. There were quite a few people outside despite the snow, mostly young people. He followed me outside and he looked suspicious in his actions. I was wearing a black jacket with a hood so I knew I had to keep my eyes on him, because the hood obscured my peripheral vision. It became a kind of short dance. He was so obvious it made me feel pained. He actually revealed his intentions toward me completely. He kept stepping back into a brick alcove so I couldn't see him in a dangerous looking way. Depending on what he was doing I moved closer or farther away. Then, for a while I stood my ground staring into the reflections of the windows in front of me so I could see what was behind me too. One of the main deterrents was obviously the people walking by. He seemed about to make a move on me a few times, but then people kept walking up. I was still smoking my cigarette. He started talking and I thought he was talking to himself, because it sounded like it. Then it seemed like he got on a phone call. The main sentence that stood out to me that he kept repeating was, "I can't do it. I can't do it." But he stayed and the dance continued. I realized there was a brick wall where I would be obscured just as he had done before, so I walked by him and finished my cigarette. That changed the mood. I got the impression he thought I was a trained assassin, which may have saved my life. As I walked by him again back to the restaurant he said, "Excuse me Ma'am." I turned and looked at him and his face was blank, there was no expression. The feeling was of someone who was hopelessly caught. I think that's what death is.


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