I had a dream, a waking dream of a place I used to be a princess in. I was responsible for the well being of my people, but a terrible cataclysmic event happened, and not only did I die but most of them were lost forever. Not everyone was reborn on earth as a human being. In this lifetime apparently my past lifetime carries over, in which I feel as though I am responsible for "my people" and yet there's nothing I can do to save them from their fates.

The dream I had of the place I came from was as such: It was essentially a planet or a moon with a hard exterior filled with water. The water closer to the surface was colder until it was completely uninhabitable. There was an energy source in the middle of the planet or moon creating warm pools and an oceanic paradise where life thrived, but as you went out into the colder water the creatures became less friendly. And the ruling party defended the warm waters against the "ones who killed" by using their warriors and technology to hold them back. Then the energy source started to die and we went to war at the same time our ecosystem collapsed.

This waking dream came back to me when I was sitting with someone who I call by several names: "The puppeteer," "The Physicist," "Octopus" (Octopuss) who I believe is also from Enceladus. I wonder if that guy knows I'm not the same kind of lifeform as him. He's so happy because he has a new body, but he doesn't know what's lurking in the dark and what they gave him.

Anyway, I put on a white robe and I went into a trance and I told him about our planet, because he almost forgot. Even though his family is mostly here under his protection. Enceladus spit quite a few life forms onto this planet, before it conked out. What I'm working on is letting go of the idea that I can decide the fates of anyone else. I decide my fate. I'm not a princess anymore and I don't have a ruling party.

I do have an imagination and memories of the worlds C.S. Lewis wrote about in his science fiction trilogy in which one title was later changed (causing more confusion than you can imagine). I like the idea that when we look for answers sometimes they're supernatural. I can almost feel the chill now. If you don't think aliens exist, I wouldn't outright mock you, although my inclination is bad. But honestly I would think you were pretty stupid. Aliens exist. Big deal. Human beings are giving aliens overinflated egos by debating their existence. If you're existence is questioned it makes you more dangerous. Most aliens aren't dangerous, they're just chilling here experiencing it to. Maybe with a cold beer and some mac and cheese, watching the news. If you idiots knew what aliens are really like you would just laugh. The scary ones aren't really in the area. I could be using double entendre, but for the most part I stopped doing that because it got really worn out.

I had all the schticks that I used because they worked and I kept using them over and over again mostly on new people. Then eventually it was all the same people again. Not the same number, but the same faces, our club has grown. I'm happy. Now I'm getting the sense some people are onto me. For example: yesterday I called Boulder Community Health and started talking about how my retina detached from my right eye. They put me through to the ER really quickly, I heard some tones on the line, then a young man answered. In my mind I saw him as being in his early to mid thirties with naturally blonde hair cut pretty short, blue eyes (really pretty), and he was muscular and maybe 5'11". When I heard his voice I saw all that I described above and read into other areas of his life. He works for a government agency and he intercepted my call. People are getting there before me now, finally.

Anyway, I told him I thought I detached the retina in my right eye from wearing my contacts too long. He said he couldn't give me medical advice over the phone, but I was always welcome to come in. I've been to that ER probably like 7 times now, not including the times I ran over there and drank out of their water fountain, and I have stacks of ambulance and medical bills from them all unpaid. I'm on Medicare and Medicaid and another insurance. I have no money. They call me from Boulder Community Hospital on a regular basis asking for payment. Is it really fair for me to run over to their emergency room every time I think I might have detached my retina? When he said I was welcome there, I knew I couldn't go back. I'm hoping that the storyline stays away from hospitals and banks.

My eye seems better. I self diagnosed it because I was told this could happen. I have terrible vision and my contacts are custom made. I can only wear one pair for a month and should limit to 12 hours in a period. Then I'm supposed to wet my eyes with saline solution before removing the contacts to wash them and put away. If my contact has adhered to my retina, by not following the steps above, I could easily have torn it. However, although my vision is still blurry in my right eye, it no longer hurts on a scale of 7 out of 10. It's already healing, but I have to wear my glasses and be careful.

This was about Enceladus. Now I'm talking about my retina. This being my actual thought process in the moment. Followed by "shit!" because that's not how I think a story is supposed to be crafted. I feel like I'm in a big hurry to get this out, get that out. So, I go in order of importance under one headline, which is the title of the story. Mainly because as a writer I'm not thinking about crafting a story as would be the case if I had gotten into The University of Colorado - Boulder. Followed by revealing too much, followed by revealing too much, followed by some kind of tidal wave effect. Followed by me not caring.

"My" critic: your story makes you seem paranoid and delusional. but to be honest sometimes it makes some weird sense and then it doesn't again. there is no beginning, middle, and end. It's all over the place. It makes it hard to follow. I don't have a reservation about releasing it. What I have are people close to me who tell me shut up in my mind. They don't literally say that. I'm like you want me to write, are you saying you would want to tell me what I should and should not write? I don't know.

Like I said I don't care. That's why I'm hitting the publish button now and edit later. Have a nice day. 143


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